The first month after...

Hi. Happy Mardi Gras to you all!

In the last month, we have been busy closing the last chapter and beginning new ones. We have been so blessed with so many friends and family and their generosity with flowers, cards, charity donations, donation of masses, and most importantly continued prayers, love and support. I have not, nor think I will, forget all that everyone has done for Mom and us. The numbness is wearing off as the reality of our great loss is sinking in.

On February 7th, Melissa and Philip had a beautiful wedding ceremony and reception. It was very symbolic of a new beginning. With that new beginning came those times of remembering what was... such as some of Mom's favorite things (i.e. food, friends and family, and a gathering that brought all her favorite things together.

This past weekend, I attended a birthday party for my 90 year old cousin on my father's side. Again there, I felt an emptiness.

At one time, I was very confident I knew who I was. Now I am trying to re-discover who I am without my best friend and confidant - my mother. I know what it feels like to have an emptiness or "the void". I cannot begin to tell you the number of times I have picked up the phone to tell her something real quick or ask her a question or her opinion or tell her something that happened or what we were going to do that week or weekend or.................. i could go on for hours. Well, you ask how we are doing - we are moving along all in our own ways.

I have grown so much through this experience. I have always been pretty independent; but that dependency upon myself and Chris has drastically increased. My knowledge of life and death has matured. The process and work of dealing with the deceased and their possessions is a rotten and difficult challenge. I am not sure why I thought that after the burial things would slow down and get better. WRONG AGAIN... it is full of things that must be done... cleaning out the possessions, dividing this and that, settling bills, closing accounts, death certificates, refunds, headstones, and thank you cards. I am still writing the hundreds of thank you cards and will send them out when all are done. I NEVER realized how much work goes into planning a funeral no matter how prepared you are. I thank everyone who helped with this. It was definitely overwhelming. I have since also become a flower arranger. Finding someone to make dry flower arrangements is well - hard to come by. Therefore, I did it myself with the help of Marty and Aunt Pat's guidance. Hopefully, they will last for many years to come.

The passing of my mother has brought about many emotions. I am surrounded by people that I KNOW love me, but still feel so alone. It all goes back to the Void. I am fortunate that I have great people to support me and keep me in line. I am also fortunate that I have wonderful brothers and sisters to keep me grounded and laughing. Thanks Carl and Cheryl for a great weekend. It was so nice to laugh and have so much fun celebrating Mardi Gras with you guys.

Flower Arrangements

The Cousins

My brothers and sisters

Sanielle, Lauren, Annalise, and T.K

Closing this chapter of our lives

I am writing this with a deeply saddened heart to let all of you know that at 4:41 PM yesterday our mom Carolyn ended her journey with us here on Earth and moved on to a better place. A place where she will have no more pain and suffering. A place where she can watch us and give us a smile in the form of a twinkle.

My brothers, sisters, and I have so many people to thank for their love, support and prayers. Special thanks to my family members, friends, and nursing staff (including hospice) who have been by her side everyday and to our spouses and children for understanding and dealing with our hectic schedules and being away from home. You have given us Time that we can all treasure. Thank You.

One of the last discussions that my mom and I had was her reminding me to thank everybody for everything they have done for her throughout her life and for family that she leaves behind.

SO THANKS to ALL OF YOU From my mom.

The end has come!

Mom is now finished with her journey on Earth and should be thru the pearly gates by the time you read this posting.

Quick Recap of Yesterday Events

Just to let everyone know... I need you to email me your telephone numbers (you will see why in this email).

Mom took a turn closer to heaven yesterday. Aunt Pat was sitting with Mom yesterday morning and about 11 a.m. Christi and I decided we seperately would go see Mom. When we got there, Mom was in her chair in a newly found state of non-responsiveness. After the nurses did their evaluation, they had to put her on oxygen and move her to her bed for the duration of her journey. As they were placing her in her bed, she had a seizure. Hospice and the nurses remained with us for a majority of afternoon/evening. Her vitals were fluctuating throughout the night. She is in a totally non-responsive state and sleeping comfortably. We are just waiting for her time. I will keep you posted.

We were blessed in the fact that many family and friends were able to show their love and support for Mom and us. The nurses piled in and out all afternoon to check on their favorite resident. Some shared stories of how amazing she has been (oh, how we know) and how she has affected their lives (seems like everyone she crosses paths with has an amazing story). During these visits, we were fortunate enough to have her priest come and issue her last rite (Annointing of the Sick). After this, someone decided that they needed my cell phone more than I do; therefore, I am without everyone's numbers and last weekend's pictures of my Mom. Needlessly to say, this individual has taken more than just a phone... she took moments away from us being with our Mother in her time. After a breakdown and several searches later - to no avail... I realized it will be okay with the help of hearing Karen say over and over again "There is a place for that person." and "You know it will come back around on them."

If I have missed anyone I apologize and please pass this information on.

Thanks again for your support and prayers.
Kim (and families)

Another week has passed...

Mom is doing okay. Hospice is controlling the pain and agitation. She is getting weaker with each passing day. Special thanks to Aunt Linda and Aunt Pat who have been staying with Mom each day; while the rest of us go to work. I am not sure what we would do without them. The rest of the family is adjusting to the new hectic schedule and try to make it to her side every chance we get. It is such a hard balance between our kids, husbands, and work to our ailing mother. Our children all know what is going on and dealing with it in the hectic world of an adult can sometimes be tough for them to grasp; but they all seem to be doing okay. Only time will tell how prepared they are and we are.

Thanks for the continued support and prayers. Also thanks Dolly and Aunt Lillie for your time today. It means so much to be surrounded by so much love:)

Mom reminded me tonight to thank everyone for coming to visit and for their help. She is amazing so sick and thinking of others still.

Kim

Today

Hospice came for a couple of visits today. Aunt Linda and Aunt Pat spent the day with Mom feeding her ice cream and popsicles (thanks Vic). Hospice has increased her meds to help with the agitation and to help try to stabilize her. Keep your fingers crossed and the prayers coming.

Thanks to all who continue to visit her and comfort us.

Good night!

2009 New Year

Many of Mom's closest friends and family have been spent day and night with her. She is now receiving hospice care and in a state of decline. Mom is aware of what is going on and seems to be at peace. We are asking for the prayers, love and support to continue that God's Will be done.

Christmas Time

Merry Christmas to all! Hope you are all healthy and had a wonderful christmas experience. We have been blessed in so many ways. We were able to get together with my mom, brothers and sisters and their families at Karen's new house. Then again yesterday at our house, Mom, her sisters and their families, Maw-maw, Mrs. Linda G., Todd, Christi and my family were all together again. It was so enjoyable, so nice to visit with everyone.

With Mom's decline in healthy - our families and friends have a different prospective on holiday time. It is a time to be truly be together , to make happy memories, no need for fussing and petty things, etc... Mom is so strong and such a role model for so many. She has been sick since the day after Thanksgiving and has not been able to bounce back. She has also stopped taking chemo. We will be talking to the doctors soon about other options. Some days-hours-minutes or better than others; but overall she is coping well. If you get a chance, drop her a line to say hello. She might not talk and sometimes does not want visitors or just sleeps; but appreciates the continued prayers and support.

As for the family, we are doing well and are leaning on each others. I can definitely say some moments are harder than others; but we take it one day at a time and make every moment count. Do you ever remember your parents telling you that they want more for you than they had/received? Well, I hope I can give my children what my parents have given to me. I want to be like them - so loved, so respected, so giving, always knows the right things to say and do. My parents truly are the greatest and I thank God everyday for him to give me such great parents and such a great friend as my Mom.

This year's new years resolution setting had almost been forgotten about with our father dying 24 years ago in December, Mom being so sick, kids, school, work, etc...all in this month... December 2008 has been quite difficult. As I sit (at work) and think about the new beginnings that come with each traditional New Year's... I find myself wondering why we only celebrate the new year when we have 12 chances each year to start anew or even better "Each Day is A New Day". Why can't tomorrow really be a new day instead of a repeat of yesterdays past.

After reflecting on my past year and especially this month, my 2009 resolutions are easily set and will be far more difficult to reach than the traditional lose weight and be a better person ones as in the past.
(1) I will work to be 1/2 as good of a parent to my children as my parents are to me.
(2) I will treat each day as a new beginning.
(3) I will take time out of my daily duties to stop and enjoy the people and things around me.

I know I have ramble, but my thoughts needed to come out. I should read this, but am going to post without editing. No sympathy needed as I JUST realized I am one of the luckiest people alive as I have been blessed with so much. Sometimes we get stuck thinking of all the things that we don't have - that we forget to be thankful for we have.

I love all of you!
Kim

Weekend plans went down the drain

On friday like all weekends, our weekend was jammed with parties, outtings and halloween celebrations. But on Friday evening, our plans suddenly changed - first Lauren, then Chris and finally Joseph all had come down with the stomach bug. Yes, I now know it is going around. Fortunately for Annalise and I, we did not get it. We spent the weekend playing and cleaning out the house. It was kind of nice to have a weekend at home to piddle with the small stuff. On Sunday, since all were feeling better - the girls and I ventured to Boo at the Zoo for a little practice run on the trick or treating. We had a good time and got a bag full of candy and of course, mommy got sucked into buying 2 halloween ghost for the "cheetah cause".

Here are a couple of pictures.

The spider covering hurricane damage.

Lauren and Annalise with their bat wings.

Annalise's favorite halloween blow-up.

The girls were not to sure if she was real or not.

Oh - How Time Flies....

Time has just flown by this past month...

Annalise, Lauren and Joseph

Joseph is now 4 months old. He is growing so quickly. At his 4 month check-up, he weighed 13 lbs 11 oz. He is cooing and telling stories to anybody and everybody who looks at him. He is such a happy baby. He is just recovering from a nasal infection that has affected his eating significantly for the past month. He is doing much better now. Keep your fingers crossed that they are wrong and it is not allergy related.

Joseph at 3 Months.Lauren and Annalise are doing great in school. They both have wonderful teachers who keep them busy ~ growing and learning. They also both choose to be Little CPS cheerleaders this year. Their schedules were thrown off from the hurricanes, but I will post a picture of them cheering.

Annalise

Lauren

Mom is doing great with chemo. She just began her third round last wednesday. Her tumor is getting smaller and her count is going down. Just continue to pray that it stays that way. As all of us know, at any time - the medicine can stop working for her.

Catching Up

In the last month, we have been extremely busy.

Mom ~ The new chemo "Abraxane" is going well. This past weekend she began to notice that she is starting to lose her hair. Initially, this sounds like a bad thing; but actually it is a great sign that the medicine is actually working. Thanks to one of Mom's dear friends (The Lewis') - she has LSU bandanas/dorags to sport around. She is so proud of them too. Her spirits are good on most days. Some days are a little rougher than others, but she has shown us that she will always be our "rock". I will get concerned when she stops complaining about the crazy people and the food:) I think this is truly her entertainment that she shares with all of us.

Lauren and Annalise ~ They are both doing extremely well at school. Lauren makes sure that Annalise's teacher is taking good care of her little sister. She checks up on her at least twice a day. Annalise's has adjusted well to "big girl school". She is following her teachers directions for the most part. Annalise has to go eat lunch in the office sometimes due to her allergies. Well, not to long ago, Annalise said that it is okay if she gets in trouble because Mrs. Lisa or Mrs. Frazier (the principal) will whip her because they are friends. She eats lunch with them. Oh, is she in for a surprise??? She thinks she has it all figured out - wrong!

Well with the landing of Hurricane Gustav and Ike, there cheerleading debut for the year has been postponed twice. They are so beyond excitement. They are cheering laying in their beds at night until they fall asleep or get in trouble (usually the latter). I will post pictures as soon as they get to cheer.

Joseph ~ he is getting big - 3 1/2 months old now. He's such a happy baby; at least when I am around:) He is now rolling both ways, reaching for toys, laughing out loud at his crazy sisters and Dixie. He likes to pet her and touch her nose. It is still to early to tell if he has any allergies.

Hurricane Updates - Gustav left us with many down tree limbs and no utilities for a week. Other than being hot and cranky, we could not complain much. Thank goodness that my in laws got utilities so the kids and I could camp out over there and soak up some A/C during the day; as well as wash some clothes. We were fortunate that the days were overcast and nights were cool as for as LA summer conditions. The generator and window a/c helped too.

Christi and Todd and their families rode the storm out at Christi's house. Karen and her family were in Folsum at the farm, Carl and Cheryl were safe at their home, and Nancy had Maw-maw with them in Alex. As we did not receive any severe damage neither did the rest of the family and we were all able survived the power outage.

And lastly, Mom stayed at the rehab center during both hurricanes and did better than all of us. They had a back up generator that kept them semi-operable. Plenty of CNAs to care for all the patients. They had a good number that evacuated from the New Orleans and surrounding area to her home. Good news, they brought a great cook with them. She enjoyed the food and was actually without lights for only one day.

Hurricane Gustav

I just wanted everyone to know that we are all safe and no one has any major damage. I am busy trying to get my work server up and running again so will have to post at a later time more details.

Mom's First Chemo Treatment

Mom did her first chemo treatment on Thursday. It was a 3 1/2 hour treatment. She felt "blah" on Friday, but on Saturday was feeling a little better. The kids and I had a nice visit with Mom. Sunday, Mom was sounding much better and Christi and Mrs. Roma both brought Mom food. Christi and the older girls were also able to visit with Mom. She said they had a nice visit.

Mom's next chemo treatment is on Wednesday. Keep your fingers crossed and pray that she continues to take the treatments well.

Mom's latest doctor appointments

Mom's tumor markers have been increasing over the last 4 months. We tried a different hormone, but it did not control the cancer. The cancer has now spread to her liver. After several doctor appointments and weeks of research; Mom will be doing a new chemo beginning today. It is not suppose to make her sick like traditional chemo. It is relatively new, but effective according to all reports. She will take it for three weeks and then off for a week. She will do this for 4-6 months; as long as it is working.

Please keep her in your prayers that she will have the strength to tolerate the chemo emotionally and the physical side effects that comes with receiving chemo.

The big sisters are one year older...

Since our last post, we have been celebrating birthdays and getting prepared to head back to work and school. I am not sure who will have a harder time adjusting to our new schedule. We are guessing it will be Dixie; she has not been locked up in weeks.

Annalise asked for a field journal, polly pockets, and littlest pet shop stuff.

Lauren asked for a pink 4-wheeler. Both girls wanted to spend their birthdays at the mall shopping, eating Chick-Fil-A, carousel rides, playgrounds, cookies, etc...