Today is Mother's Day.

It has been awhile since my last post. Things have been going well; just so busy. Things never seem to slow down nowadays. I would like to thank everyone for the continued support, prayers, and love during this transition time. It has not been easy. Those who say that time heals, never truly lost someone so special. As the child who has lost not only a mother, but also a father and a grandfather. I know, time does not heal. Our coping mechanisms just become better tuned.

My brothers and sisters are truly amazing. I feel so blessed to have been given such a wonderful family to help me cope with our loss. I feel that our loss has brought us even closer together. Our mom told us repeatedly in her final months to stay together because that is what her and our father would have wanted. Don't fuss, stay as one. I feel that this goes without saying. Together we can conquer the world. We are also blessed with some other individuals in our lives who have been there to help deal with the evils in the world.

It never ceases to amaze me that the worst of times can bring out both the good and bad in people. Sometimes people you would never expect to do good - does something amazing. And worst, someone who you trusted and felt comfortable with - does something to hurt you or the ones that you love so dearly.

As today is Mother's Day - and I too am a mother. I was fortunate enough to wake up to two beautiful girls with lots of love, kisses, cards, and happy mother's day wishes. Later waking you my adorable baby boy who offered lots of smiles and his own mom special wishes. I cannot help but feel overwhelmed by the loss of my mother. As the mother's day wishes pour in via phone calls, emails and text messages - all I can think of is my mother whom I lost.

More so the loss of my mother that bothers me is the lack of respect and love for those whom still have their mothers, but the bond between a mother and a child was somewhere lost along the way. Day after day, I thank God for the time I was given with my parents and I also pray that those who still have their parents will recognize what a wonderful gift that have been given.

The first month after...

Hi. Happy Mardi Gras to you all!

In the last month, we have been busy closing the last chapter and beginning new ones. We have been so blessed with so many friends and family and their generosity with flowers, cards, charity donations, donation of masses, and most importantly continued prayers, love and support. I have not, nor think I will, forget all that everyone has done for Mom and us. The numbness is wearing off as the reality of our great loss is sinking in.

On February 7th, Melissa and Philip had a beautiful wedding ceremony and reception. It was very symbolic of a new beginning. With that new beginning came those times of remembering what was... such as some of Mom's favorite things (i.e. food, friends and family, and a gathering that brought all her favorite things together.

This past weekend, I attended a birthday party for my 90 year old cousin on my father's side. Again there, I felt an emptiness.

At one time, I was very confident I knew who I was. Now I am trying to re-discover who I am without my best friend and confidant - my mother. I know what it feels like to have an emptiness or "the void". I cannot begin to tell you the number of times I have picked up the phone to tell her something real quick or ask her a question or her opinion or tell her something that happened or what we were going to do that week or weekend or.................. i could go on for hours. Well, you ask how we are doing - we are moving along all in our own ways.

I have grown so much through this experience. I have always been pretty independent; but that dependency upon myself and Chris has drastically increased. My knowledge of life and death has matured. The process and work of dealing with the deceased and their possessions is a rotten and difficult challenge. I am not sure why I thought that after the burial things would slow down and get better. WRONG AGAIN... it is full of things that must be done... cleaning out the possessions, dividing this and that, settling bills, closing accounts, death certificates, refunds, headstones, and thank you cards. I am still writing the hundreds of thank you cards and will send them out when all are done. I NEVER realized how much work goes into planning a funeral no matter how prepared you are. I thank everyone who helped with this. It was definitely overwhelming. I have since also become a flower arranger. Finding someone to make dry flower arrangements is well - hard to come by. Therefore, I did it myself with the help of Marty and Aunt Pat's guidance. Hopefully, they will last for many years to come.

The passing of my mother has brought about many emotions. I am surrounded by people that I KNOW love me, but still feel so alone. It all goes back to the Void. I am fortunate that I have great people to support me and keep me in line. I am also fortunate that I have wonderful brothers and sisters to keep me grounded and laughing. Thanks Carl and Cheryl for a great weekend. It was so nice to laugh and have so much fun celebrating Mardi Gras with you guys.

Flower Arrangements

The Cousins

My brothers and sisters

Sanielle, Lauren, Annalise, and T.K

Closing this chapter of our lives

I am writing this with a deeply saddened heart to let all of you know that at 4:41 PM yesterday our mom Carolyn ended her journey with us here on Earth and moved on to a better place. A place where she will have no more pain and suffering. A place where she can watch us and give us a smile in the form of a twinkle.

My brothers, sisters, and I have so many people to thank for their love, support and prayers. Special thanks to my family members, friends, and nursing staff (including hospice) who have been by her side everyday and to our spouses and children for understanding and dealing with our hectic schedules and being away from home. You have given us Time that we can all treasure. Thank You.

One of the last discussions that my mom and I had was her reminding me to thank everybody for everything they have done for her throughout her life and for family that she leaves behind.

SO THANKS to ALL OF YOU From my mom.

The end has come!

Mom is now finished with her journey on Earth and should be thru the pearly gates by the time you read this posting.

Quick Recap of Yesterday Events

Just to let everyone know... I need you to email me your telephone numbers (you will see why in this email).

Mom took a turn closer to heaven yesterday. Aunt Pat was sitting with Mom yesterday morning and about 11 a.m. Christi and I decided we seperately would go see Mom. When we got there, Mom was in her chair in a newly found state of non-responsiveness. After the nurses did their evaluation, they had to put her on oxygen and move her to her bed for the duration of her journey. As they were placing her in her bed, she had a seizure. Hospice and the nurses remained with us for a majority of afternoon/evening. Her vitals were fluctuating throughout the night. She is in a totally non-responsive state and sleeping comfortably. We are just waiting for her time. I will keep you posted.

We were blessed in the fact that many family and friends were able to show their love and support for Mom and us. The nurses piled in and out all afternoon to check on their favorite resident. Some shared stories of how amazing she has been (oh, how we know) and how she has affected their lives (seems like everyone she crosses paths with has an amazing story). During these visits, we were fortunate enough to have her priest come and issue her last rite (Annointing of the Sick). After this, someone decided that they needed my cell phone more than I do; therefore, I am without everyone's numbers and last weekend's pictures of my Mom. Needlessly to say, this individual has taken more than just a phone... she took moments away from us being with our Mother in her time. After a breakdown and several searches later - to no avail... I realized it will be okay with the help of hearing Karen say over and over again "There is a place for that person." and "You know it will come back around on them."

If I have missed anyone I apologize and please pass this information on.

Thanks again for your support and prayers.
Kim (and families)

Another week has passed...

Mom is doing okay. Hospice is controlling the pain and agitation. She is getting weaker with each passing day. Special thanks to Aunt Linda and Aunt Pat who have been staying with Mom each day; while the rest of us go to work. I am not sure what we would do without them. The rest of the family is adjusting to the new hectic schedule and try to make it to her side every chance we get. It is such a hard balance between our kids, husbands, and work to our ailing mother. Our children all know what is going on and dealing with it in the hectic world of an adult can sometimes be tough for them to grasp; but they all seem to be doing okay. Only time will tell how prepared they are and we are.

Thanks for the continued support and prayers. Also thanks Dolly and Aunt Lillie for your time today. It means so much to be surrounded by so much love:)

Mom reminded me tonight to thank everyone for coming to visit and for their help. She is amazing so sick and thinking of others still.

Kim

Today

Hospice came for a couple of visits today. Aunt Linda and Aunt Pat spent the day with Mom feeding her ice cream and popsicles (thanks Vic). Hospice has increased her meds to help with the agitation and to help try to stabilize her. Keep your fingers crossed and the prayers coming.

Thanks to all who continue to visit her and comfort us.

Good night!

2009 New Year

Many of Mom's closest friends and family have been spent day and night with her. She is now receiving hospice care and in a state of decline. Mom is aware of what is going on and seems to be at peace. We are asking for the prayers, love and support to continue that God's Will be done.