Hi. Happy Mardi Gras to you all!
In the last month, we have been busy closing the last chapter and beginning new ones. We have been so blessed with so many friends and family and their generosity with flowers, cards, charity donations, donation of masses, and most importantly continued prayers, love and support. I have not, nor think I will, forget all that everyone has done for Mom and us. The numbness is wearing off as the reality of our great loss is sinking in.
On February 7th, Melissa and Philip had a beautiful wedding ceremony and reception. It was very symbolic of a new beginning. With that new beginning came those times of remembering what was... such as some of Mom's favorite things (i.e. food, friends and family, and a gathering that brought all her favorite things together.
This past weekend, I attended a birthday party for my 90 year old cousin on my father's side. Again there, I felt an emptiness.
At one time, I was very confident I knew who I was. Now I am trying to re-discover who I am without my best friend and confidant - my mother. I know what it feels like to have an emptiness or "the void". I cannot begin to tell you the number of times I have picked up the phone to tell her something real quick or ask her a question or her opinion or tell her something that happened or what we were going to do that week or weekend or.................. i could go on for hours. Well, you ask how we are doing - we are moving along all in our own ways.
I have grown so much through this experience. I have always been pretty independent; but that dependency upon myself and Chris has drastically increased. My knowledge of life and death has matured. The process and work of dealing with the deceased and their possessions is a rotten and difficult challenge. I am not sure why I thought that after the burial things would slow down and get better. WRONG AGAIN... it is full of things that must be done... cleaning out the possessions, dividing this and that, settling bills, closing accounts, death certificates, refunds, headstones, and thank you cards. I am still writing the hundreds of thank you cards and will send them out when all are done. I NEVER realized how much work goes into planning a funeral no matter how prepared you are. I thank everyone who helped with this. It was definitely overwhelming. I have since also become a flower arranger. Finding someone to make dry flower arrangements is well - hard to come by. Therefore, I did it myself with the help of Marty and Aunt Pat's guidance. Hopefully, they will last for many years to come.
The passing of my mother has brought about many emotions. I am surrounded by people that I KNOW love me, but still feel so alone. It all goes back to the Void. I am fortunate that I have great people to support me and keep me in line. I am also fortunate that I have wonderful brothers and sisters to keep me grounded and laughing. Thanks Carl and Cheryl for a great weekend. It was so nice to laugh and have so much fun celebrating Mardi Gras with you guys.
Flower Arrangements
The Cousins
My brothers and sisters
Sanielle, Lauren, Annalise, and T.K